A girl used to be alone won’t look like any other girl you love. Guaranteed. She’ll be the hardest bone to pick and her walls will be the tallest.
Because for a long time, that’s all they’ve been: their walls.
They’re part of the world she built for herself, and when they are, they’re part protection, part identity. They are the shell of a place she has created, a life she has built, a world that belongs to no one but herself. And if they protect her, nurture her and preserve her, then that is all she knows.
So it will be difficult for her to find space for someone else, it will be a challenge.
A girl who is used to being alone will probably (at some point) say “she doesn’t need you”. She’ll say “I can do it myself”, “Don’t worry” and “I have this shitty grip” so often that it starts to sound like an independent broken record made by a woman.
And to some extent, all of that is true. She can probably do it herself, you don’t have to worry, and she’s got the fucking handle on it.
But just because she can do it herself, just because she probably doesn’t need you, doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you.
Just because she has this problem doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you to see her deal with it.
Just because she can walk the streets alone doesn’t mean she won’t enjoy your company.
You see, the truth about being alone is that after a while being alone becomes your comfort, your safe space. There is certain reliability if you only react to yourself, if you only care about yourself, if you only care about yourself. And although sometimes you feel lonely, it’s a softer way to be alone. It’s a solitude that gradually gets familiar and nearly beautiful.
So when someone else comes along and messes up this world and this loneliness, it’s overwhelming.
It’s a disruption not only in your world but in your routine, in what you know.
And so there will be some adjustment for a while. There will be ups and downs, give, and take. She, in turn, will have a certain fear. Not only because she will be tempted to let you into her world, to let you climb these walls, to invite you into a life that once belonged to her alone.
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